Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The truth is out there!

A typical day at the office.

6.45 am, I wake up. I've been able to add an extra 15 minutes of slumber since quitting the coffin nails. Bundy and I go through our normal routine, although he often opts to go outside for his morning business instead of joining me in applying the lippy and mascara. Since the arrival of the Rotty, he prefers to exit the house via a more inconspicuous route. Up the internal staircase, through the spare bedroom, jumping up to and out of an upstairs window, onto a lower roof, then scaling down some lattice work like a hairy ginger spider cat.

I get dressed. Watch the news. Stray's sometimes still in bed. 7.50 am, I depart.

Looking towards the front of our yard including morning winter fog and possible chimney smoke.

My street as I leave in the morning...
The drive to work takes about twenty minutes. The first ten are past farmland, modest to massive houses on big blocks, trees, cows, horses, old fences, glimpse of the river, 'Horse Poo For Sale' signs and over three small bridges.

Is it illegal to operate a camera while driving?

Some mornings it can be like driving through a Frederick McCubbin painting at 100 kph and can be calming unless some turkey is tailgating or there's a snail of a vehicle ahead. Today it was an unlikely cement truck.

The last ten minutes are through suburbia, eleven sets of traffic lights, a large bridge, four roundabouts and occasional roadworks! Thankfully I turn off just before the freeway and only have to drive over the three lanes of city bound traffic which have usually ground to a halt.

The monotony of houses and shops is interrupted by a scattering of horse paddocks, an old farm house and treed parks along the way. As far as drives to work go, it's not too shabby, except for one area which lately smells not dissimilar to a fart.

8.20 am, I arrive and disarm the alarm, a procedure comparable to dancing a quick jig and at which time I'm appreciative of the fact that the security monitor is not actually wired and functioning. A generally not too hectic day follows.

The view from the office window.
Don’t you love how those ‘NO PARKING BEYOND THIS POINT' signs are doing their job?
On the other side of the building is a fairly busy, boring road and large intersection. Uneventful except for the day a police pursuit ended there in a three car pileup and the handcuffing of the would be escapees. 
Our office is in a building containing around 200 people from different companies...or did, of late there seems to be some sort of exodus mass abductions I suspect. I never actually get to make a real connection with these people except for the usual obligatory good morning, goodbye nod and smile, and chat at our biannual fire drill. I did however manage to have a quick natter with one of the more friendly ladies the other day, but am sure she is now avoiding me, if not TERRIFIED OF ME.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the words ‘going to live in Thailand’ and ‘euthanize my cat’ in the same sentence? Jeeze lady, it's only a last resort.

The 'ladies' is almost next to our office, just down the hall way. Why would I mention this ridiculously mundane fact? Well, I am almost positive haven't proved it yet that it's the source mother ship of that fart like smell I pass on the way to work, judging from the vile odor that emanates up through the floor drain some days.

I job share with CT, a great lady, even if she is a Kiwi..just joshin’ CT. Immaculately dressed and groomed, I can only dream about looking so good. My only regret is that, apart from a bit of training, we never actually get to work physically side by side. Pity, because we have the same sense of sarcastic humour, often leaving each other notes of confusion, punctuated with  multiple question marks, smiley and frowny  faces and making references to our own senility.

KH has been my boss since the departure, actually it was more like an exorcism, of one delusional and insane way too many kangaroos loose in the top paddock manager. I could write several postings about this, but won’t don't have any medication left. KH makes working there easy. She is aware of the situation mother ship's presence in the 'ladies', one day literally taping/sealing up floor drain their smelly ventilation system. But alas, the next morning it had mysteriously vanished, sucked into the alien world that lurks beneath or above our office...or the cleaner peeled it off! KH - A hard working single Mum who has looked after me the way all good bosses should. She's lovely.

Recently P. came on board, also a Kiwi...yes, another New Zealander from Australia’s ninth state/territory A pleasant guy with the capacity of seeing the funny side of things, has any-sort-of-critterphobia and a similar belief in the paranormal . All in all a small, but great bunch of people.

Men in the roof. From time to time, it seems almost weekly, noises and thumps from aliens maintenance guys can be heard overhead as I sit at my desk and wait for the day when one of them plummets through the ceiling to abduct me for some sort of analytical probing. We have the pleasure of being the office closest to, or on route to, an air conditioning compressor, or mother ship engine room, which is hardly noticeable unless reaching its daily crescendo. Occasionally I look upwards at the vent above my head (just in case they, the aliens men, can see me) with a glare of disapproval and ‘I know you’re up there and can see you looking at me’ glint in my eye.
It's a pleasant environment to work in, the main source of discomfort being customer complaints or like today being abused by a old lady because SHE had dialed the wrong number and I was not her insurance company, which resulted in the slamming down of the phone in my ear! At least she was sober I guess, unlike some of the complainers.

I can normally sense when it's around 4.30 pm, the traffic outside becomes louder with the start of peak hour/s. Time to start tidying, shutting down, finishing and closing.

5.00 pm. As dusk approaches the whole suburb is often swarmed by Rainbow Lorikeets, depending on the time of year. Without exaggeration, they can arrive in their thousands. Even the smallish large gum trees (in the car park photo) writhe with colourful activity and it’s enjoyably loud.

It can be a bit of an adventure though, not unlike a one sided game of paint ball or skirmish (and I’m not the one packing heat), making it UN SHAT upon...to my car.

However, the tree close by is often left in peace as its residents are/were a couple of crows who from time to time deposit pterodactyl size droppings on my (and I'm sure CT's car) tiny, weenie Toyota parked directly below. This makes for a shameful afternoon commute home. I daren’t turn and look at anyone in the car next to me through the curtain of crap on my already dirty window.

I drive home and on most days, the sunset is incredible.

Today I surrendered my gun and my badge, it was my last day at the office today. THE END!
Are my posts getting ridiculously long or is this column just getting narrower?


Martyn said... Best Blogger Tips

A lovely insight into your working day and believe it or not it reads a lot more interesting than mine. I work for a pharmaceutical company and we're situated in the windowless bowels of the building. We look up to our air condition vents and wonder whether to make a quick escape to the outside world.

...Today I surrendered my gun and my badge, it was my last day at the office today....for a minute I thought you were a government debt collector.

Snap said... Best Blogger Tips

I think being a government debt collector would have been a tad more exciting. I could have certainly used that gun on some days, during the reign of that insane manager, although probably would have turned in on myself.